A Walking the Labyrinth post
FEAR
1. My greatest fear is…
2. How fear effects my life
3. The worst thing that could happen if my fear is realised
4. What my fear teaches me1. my greatest fear is... I see death as the ultimate loss
2. this effects my life by creating instinctual survival reactions and denial
3. the worst thing that can happen is ... I will fall into the unknown. I guess ongoing denial the worst - but as death is inevitable, eventually it must be confronted. Though I guess people sometimes use drugs and all sorts to avoid being aware... Thing is - I want to be conscious. My fear is all about not being conscious
4. my fear teaches me that I want to exist. I do not trust letting go of 'I'.
I am aware that the process of enlightenment requires this very letting go. This teaches me how profound the path is which this fear has opened up to me.
Therefore I realise how important it is to engage with this. I know that regardless of any intellectual or spiritual 'goals - this life as I know it will end. I realise this deeper awareness is helpful in that it leads me to take a more meaningful journey.
I cling to the known and fear the unknown. I look to the known for comfort. Assaji (True Eloquence) once gave me a thought to contemplate; the sun rises each day - not because I will it to - but because it is the nature of night to be followed by day. When I go to sleep at night, I do not fear, 'will day come tomorrow?'
This process also helps me work with other fears I have.
The fear of death probably became conscious when my father died when I was 7 years old. I found the religion of my environment expected me to have faith - but gave me no knowledge. There was a time I feared falling asleep at night because it reminded me of death. Slowly I grew accustomed to this fear and sleep came easily. The issue had simply become dormant. I was in denial to some extent, even while hurtling towards the inevitable.
My daughter, Gra-anna's death was part of an awareness process for me. I definitely experienced a sense of continuity of her being. This gave me some insight, although not at an intellectual level.
I practice this letting go process all the time as life presents opportunities and know it's crucial to have this practice. I am learning through the experiences life presents is that it's 'okay to let go'.
My instinct is to automatically grasp and try and catch myself if I sense I am falling. My spiritual awareness knows that it's okay to fall. My intellectual self brings useful aids like Assaji's tale of the sun rising every morning and working with the daily lessons Guru Life brings. Practice makes me clearer and stronger. This is my path, growing my awareness as much as I can. It's a process on the path to enlightenment.
I’m sure I've left things out! I'll expand later if more thoughts come to me
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Fear as teacher
Saturday, January 10, 2009
What has given you the most strength?
What has given me the most strength?
The challenges and teachings of Guru Life!
A scene pops into my mind...
When my daughter, Gra-anna passed on, I went to London, where she'd lived. It was the heart of Winter (I come from a country of sunshine). There were only a couple of hours of light each day - and even then there was seldom sun. One of those days I stood outside. In this gloom of cold and semi light (who dares breathe deep when the veil is terribly thin?), I saw a tree standing, silent and bare, so in keeping with the day - but - it was covered with white flowers! A silent, proud bearer of flowers in this zone of darkness, cold and concrete felt like such a contradiction, it was almost impossible to comprehend. I thought, 'omigod, just look at this! How does anything flower in such conditions?'
I think this is how we are as human beings
The gods and deity's must watch us sometimes and be so moved - maybe that's when it rains....
gaia
Monday, September 22, 2008
GURU LIFE
I call life GURU LIFE
because I'm finding Life to be the most amazing sacred teacher of all
- the perfect teacher -
all other teachers a mere shadow in comparison
I cannot begin to express...
I hear of those who have gurus
and their great love for these beings
- and know these gurus must either be direct channels of Guru Life
one and the same
or else paled
by their obstructions to this great guru
freelly available to all
I know the love of a disciple of a guru
I sing the same songs,
cry the same tears and dance the same ecstasy
how fortunate!
emaho
there is nothing Guru Life hands me
which is not sacred
my only desire
is to become one
with this great teacher of oneness
Sunday, August 31, 2008
A dream
A precious being, 'X', told me a dream he had the other night.
A friend was committing suicide.
He poured petrol over himself and set himself ablaze.
It was a shocking and horrifying experience.
X ran inside to call people and tell them what was happening.
When he returned
...he saw Buddha seated where his friend had been
At that moment he woke.
I found this dream beautiful and meaningful
It spoke to me of the masks of Buddha.
Everyone is a masked Buddha (universal truth)
Life, the great Guru
brings us many many sacred lessons
- they all take the form of the Masked Buddha
We went on to speak about the difficulties life presents.
The great suffering one experiences.
Death of beloveds, financial hardship, loss, loss, loss...
I thought of the shock 'X' experienced in the dream
- seeing his friend in flames
then the awed amazement to find
Buddha sitting amongst the ashes
I thought of that feeling in our hearts and bodies
at the moment of trauma
loss or extreme hardship
- that sharp pain
that sense of 'AAAAH!'
- THE CRYING OUT WE DO INWARDLY AND SOMETIMES OUTWARDLY TOO.
What is the cause of the immense pain?
Is it the holding on to the mask
which will shift in time
if we allow it
to reveal
the Buddha
Pain is...
holding onto the mask
We went on to speak of the ultimate loss we will all experience
- the loss of our own lives.
I thought of the so obvious yet surprising statement
i heard on the radio the other day:
In 90 years
only a handful of all people living today
will still be alive.
Life is our guru
bearing sacred lessons
preparing us for the final letting go
Each painful experience we have
is an opportunity
to prepare for the final letting go
is an opportunity
to practice acceptance
and going with the flow
This morning I was reflecting on X's dream again/still
and I remembered a while back when I became aware
of the umbilical cord
which holds 'us' to this body.
A sense of awareness that there is an 'etheric body' (for want of another term)
connected to this physical body
And I could feel the cord somewhere above the physical navel area,
perhaps in the area of the solar plexus chakra.
- the sense of this cord is an echo or imprint of that 'aaah' we experience
in those very tough moments,
I wandered if this umbilical cord is also the cord
between ego and higher awareness
The physical body, it's emotions, survival instincts
bound up with the ego's sense of mortality, limitations, need to be in control. etc
whereas our higher awareness which we develop/commune with when we are meditating
is boundless, non dual, etc...
I wondered if enlightenment is the cutting of this umbilical cord
in the same way a baby's is cut
to be freed to live independent of the womb
which brought it to earthly existence
This blog has been quite hard to write
in the sense to trying to describe feelings coherently
it always seems to come back to
Acceptance and
Letting Go
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Dream appearances
dreaming you...
dreaming me...
dreaming this
which we name Life....
body is birthed
by mother earth
body & earth
each belonging to the other
...made of the same stuff
...all material realm....
fleeting visit
blink of an eye
sacred precious moment
no matter what's the matter...
...always sacred...
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Where are you taking risks?
the risk I take is the intention of speaking/living my truth
the greater risk I do not wish to take
the greater risk I do not wish to take
is not doing this
I find that being my truth
invariably places me at odds with larger society
which wishes to take the route which appears easiest
however we see in the long term
it is not the easiest
eg: global warming
there is so much suffering which grows from ignorance
look at China and Tibet
we on this planet are all interwoven with this
...the outcomes is already echoing down the passage of time
What we see and accept happening to Tibet
is the microcosm of the macrocosm to come
the world folds its arms
in the face of others suffering
America has ongoing wars for wealth
dressed up as a righteous thing
the world watched what happened to the Jews in Germany
till five to twelve
South Africa
now Zimbabwe
...just a few examples
of suffering
all round the planet
it seems no country aids another
unless it's an opportunistic venture
and the way of the world has been
to use violence to quell violence...
karmic seeds are sewn
and the wheel of samsara turns....
caught in a web
and feel paralysed
when we do not know where to start
prayer is underestimated
start there
and start by looking at the mind
through meditation
...we can start
believing what we feel
our feelings
speak our truth
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