The thief left it behind: the moon at my window - Ryokan

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

When a beloved passes




“Last year at the end of August my father died.... I loved my father very much and for some months after he died I entered a strange sort of place. I found out I couldn’t relate to many things I usually do. So much seemed utterly irrelevant. I didn’t feel depressed, in fact looking back it was as if part of me was sort of in the realm of the dead, with my father in some way, kind of seeing him through. But so much in ordinary life, so much of peoples concerns, what people wanted to know, what people were concerned about, seemed pointless. Meaning was in the experience of mourning my father’s passing. Of fully acknowledging his passing. Meaning was in the experience of meeting people heart to heart. They as living, breathing beings. Meaning was in fact looking at leaves in the sunlight or listening to bird song in the early morning. Meaning was in these things. So much else seemed like empty noise.”

Padmavajra


This morning while I was driving my son Neville to school, we were listening these words in a recording of a teaching by Padmavajra from Padmaloka Retreat Centre. As I heard him describe his experience at the time of the death of his father, I felt for the 1st time that my experience at the time of Gra-anna’s passing and the year that followed had been put into words - I said to Neville, ‘that’s just how I felt!’... and to some extent still feel. It’s as though the passing my child has forever made an imprint on me. What I’m more conscious of these days is how she has opened my heart to compassion. I am aware that through her I feel the suffering of all beings. She has torn my heart wide open.

The other day, Courtney, who was like a sister to Gra-anna, therefore a daughter to me, said she felt that with Gra-anna’s passing my spiritual journey began. I hesitated because in a sense I’ve always been on a spiritual journey. My precious mentor for seven years, Bill Ainslie, whose 20th memorial it is today, was a formative person in my life in terms of raising my awareness in so many ways. Among so much else, he introduced me to the stories of Mullah Nasrudin and Rumi’s poetry, which Gra-anna loved. But certainly it is true that I have never been the same since Gra-anna’s passing.

Look at love
how it tangles
with the one fallen in love

look at spirit
how it fuses with earth
giving it new life

why are you so busy
with this or that or good or bad
pay attention to how things blend

why talk about all
the known and the unknown
see how the unknown merges into the known

why think separately
of this life and the next
when one is born from the last

look at your heart and tongue
one feels but deaf and dumb
the other speaks in words and signs

look at water and fire
earth and wind
enemies and friends all at once

the wolf and the lamb
the lion and the deer
far away yet together

look at the unity of this
spring and winter
manifested in the equinox

you too must mingle my friends
since the earth and the sky
are mingled just for you and me

be like sugarcane
sweet yet silent
don't get mixed up with bitter words

my beloved grows
right out of my own heart
how much more union can there be



Rumi

Love

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Sunday, August 16, 2009

Silenced by the thunder of blessings, we are the rain...

Buddhist Relics Tour 2009, Johannesburg South Africa

Dscf2741

Please click here to see photograph album

The Buddhist Relic Tour was a great success on it's 1st visit to Africa. More than 2000 people visited Lam Rim Centre in Johannesburg to see the relics. There was a great sense of peacefulness and gentleness on every person’s face as they left the centre.

I am still assimilating the experience and sense it's going to take many weeks to do this. Somehow words are not flowing now - though the eyes do! I am grateful that Gien has written about his experiences here

Geshe Lama Konchog glowing relic


Geshe Lama Konchog





On the last day while Venerable Nyingje was speaking, one of the Relics belonging to Geshe Lama Konchog started to glow











Venerable Nyingje

Venerable Samden who also accompanied the Relics Tour

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Saturday, August 1, 2009

7 Years


It is raining today, Jopoa.
I see your traces
like lines on a tortoise shell
each time I look into Giens warm heart
your ancient lined face
made gold by the alchemy of love

this love between you two
I place on my inner shrine
next to Gra-anna's face
I see…

an ancient woman holding the hand of a young man
each adoring the other
and a young woman with beauty in her sad eyes
- sorrow - the source
of the River of Eternal Compassion

7 years,
a sacred and complete cycle in time
It's raining today, Jopoa
this day of your memorial

I do not ask, 'where are you now'
or wish to hold you with questions.
May you be surrounded by that which you truly are

Love

In this picture you are with precious beings
- your daughter, the mother of your\my precious 'Sum Goon Day',
main artery to your\my heart,
Gien, your grandson,
my husband

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Thursday, July 23, 2009

Johannesburg and random google findings

Jhb1
December in Johannesburg

december in johannesburg
brought the heat wave
so familiar

to an anger torn again in
a brittle feeling of windswept leaves
high pitched laughter in
soweto shebeens and lilywhite
close corporate parties before a final
predictable violence of words
dying of maimed wounds in a brisk
afternoon of illegitimate reason.
another heat wave back home in gwalior
had cracked the north end fort wall
assaulting repeatedly the loneliness of
an earthy immortality
and sudden moments of madness that had once grappled
to stay in the shade of
your eye.

Amitabh Mitra



City Johannesburg

This way I salute you:
My hand pulses to my back trousers pocket
Or into my inner jacket pocket
For my pass, my life,
Jo'burg City.
My hand like a starved snake rears my pockets
For my thin, ever lean wallet,
While my stomach groans a friendly smile to hunger,
Jo'burg City.
My stomach also devours coppers and papers
Don't you know?
Jo'burg City, I salute you;
When I run out, or roar in a bus to you,
I leave behind me, my love,
My comic houses and people, my dongas and my ever whirling dust,
My death
That's so related to me as a wink to the eye.
Jo'burg City
I travel on your black and white and roboted roads
Through your thick iron breath that you inhale
At six in the morning and exhale from five noon.
Jo'burg City
That is the time when I come to you,
When your neon flowers flaunt from your electrical wind,
That is the time when I leave you,
When your neon flowers flaunt their way through the falling darkness
On your cement trees.
And as I go back, to my love,
My dongas, my dust, my people, my death,
Where death lurks in the dark like a blade in the flesh,
I can feel your roots, anchoring your might, my feebleness
In my flesh, in my mind, in my blood,
And everything about you says it, That, that is all you need of me.
Jo'burg City, Johannesburg,
Listen when I tell you,
There is no fun, nothing, in it,
When you leave the women and men with such frozen expressions,
Expressions that have tears like furrows of soil erosion,
Jo'burg City, you are dry like death,
Jo'burg City, Johannesburg, Jo'burg City.

Mongane Wally Serote



Johannesburg

Please don’t show your soul to me
I think I’d see the light shine through
And please don’t greet me on the street
I’d like to see a world without you
Please don’t change your uniform
And start to mourn the thousands dead
And please wear what you’ve always worn
And don’t be drawn by what I’ve said

’cause I’ve found there’s nothing more
That I could say to you
Nothing I could do to change your mind
Change your ways and your tune

So please don’t feel you have to sway
Or move away from how you feel
And please say what you mean to say
And always stay with a heart of steel

Housemartins




Walking the poem that is Joburg.....

Portrait with Keys

Trade Paperback, 211 pages
RRP: R140, ISBN 1-4152-0020-3
Publication date: June 2006, Category: Memoir

Description
A book about a city that has been described as ‘the Venice of the South’, Portrait with Keys is a portrait of life in Johannesburg – and ‘what-what’: home, habit, change, memory, mortality, friendship, ghosts, gardens, walking, falling, selling, stealing ... Neither a novel nor a collection of short stories, the book consists of 138 short texts organised in two parts – Point A and Point B – followed by Notes and Sources, Itineraries and an Author’s Note. Written by a consummate literary artist, this is a unique dossier of city life and a selective self-portrait of the author – in Ivan Vladislavić’s words “a bit like a map that shows only the side streets”.
Memory takes root only half in the folds of the brain: half’s in the concrete streets we’ve lived along. – Lionel Abrahams, poet and author.
Winner of the 2007 Alan Paton Award.
Winner of the 2007 University of Johannesburg Prize for the best creative work in English.
From Portrait with Keys, Point A, section 68
“In Johannesburg, the Venice of the South, the backdrop is always a man-made one. We have planted a forest the birds endorse. For hills we have mine dumps covered with grass. We do not wait for time and the elements to weather us, we change scenery ourselves, to suit our moods. Nature is for other people, in other places ...


Written over eight years, Ivan Vladislavić’s Portrait with Keys - Joburg & What What is a sequence of 138 passages depicting a shifting Johannesburg.
source

What motivated you to write Portrait with Keys – Joburg & What What?
A while ago, I was approached by Graham Friedman, who was putting together a celebratory anthology for the 70th birthday of Johannesburg writer, author and poet Lionel Abrahams. In preparing my piece for that book, I looked over a lot of the work that Lionel had done and I was struck by how much it had to do with the city. It got me interested in Johannesburg in a new way. I started making some notes towards a book of some kind, though I wasn’t sure what kind of book it would be. The next major momentum came when I was editing a book on SA architecture and my co-editor more or less insisted that I write something for the book, so I produced a piece called Street Addresses, which looked at sites around the city; that was the core of the book.

What is it about Johannesburg that interests you?
It’s different things. The way that the book grew also reflects my different interests in the city.

How long did it take you to write the book?
It’s hard to quantify because the pieces were collected over eight years. I worked on it in concentrated periods; when I was commissioned to produce a sequence of texts for a publication I would work on that in quite a concentrated way for a couple of months, but in the interim I was working on many other things.

In the years that you’ve lived in Johannesburg, how has your perception of the city changed?
I was born and raised in Pretoria and I came to Johannesburg as a student to study at Wits. When I came here I was a nice Pretoria boy and Johannesburg had this reputation for being really fast, dangerous, big and English. I’ve grown to appreciate what’s interesting about the city; I don’t think it’s a place that reveals itself obviously, you have to work quite hard to find the things that are pleasurable about living here. Often living in Johannesburg feels like hard work, but it’s also an extraordinary place with a lot of character.

Yes, because Johannesburg is aesthetically quite an unattractive city but it also has places of exquisite and surprising beauty.
I agree, but for me there’s even a beauty in the shabby, industrial side of Johannesburg. There’s nothing quite like driving on a Johannesburg highway alongside one of the industrial wastelands and seeing the remains of a factory or a mine; I think those places have a decrepit appeal to them.

What was the most challenging aspect of writing this book?
That’s difficult to answer. I suppose one of the challenges was making a coherent book out of the collection because it was written over such a long period.

Did you edit some of the older pieces at all before putting them all together?
I specifically didn’t change things. I was tempted to because the city changes so quickly and one’s perceptions of it change too. There were certainly observations about parts of the city that were no longer quite true and by the time I put the book together it was clear that I was thinking differently about things; but I thought there was a value in keeping the pieces as they were because it’s a documentary text.

The criteria for the Alan Paton Award say the book must ’illuminate truthfulness, especially those forms that are new, delicate, unfashionable and fly in the face of power.’ How does your book do this?
That’s a sweeping and grand statement; it’s not something that I, as a writer, would comment on easily about my own work. What I was trying to do was illuminate a few small corners of my own experience of the city. If that strikes a chord with other people, if they feel like I’ve captured something that rings true, that would be gratifying for me. I suspect that Johannesburg is a city of many truths.

How has democracy changed writing in South Africa?
We’ve been freed from an obsessive focus on the political. Writers have more freedom of movement both literally and imaginatively; there’s no sense of having to carry around the past and I think that’s reflected in our writing.

Having said that, do you think there is anything particularly lacking in South African literature?
The main thing lacking in SA literature is readers, but that’s another story. I think there’s so much to write about here, and not just about contemporary society, there’s still so much to write about the past. Having said that, we’re free to write more creatively and imaginatively and look at a much broader range of subjects. I don’t think that means that writers shouldn’t be looking at the past. The amount of information becomes more available and the kind of overview that you might need to write a really large, inclusive novel about apartheid becomes more possible as the period recedes a bit. That’s one area that’s still open to writers.

When, how and where do you write?
I write at night. I understand the virtues of writing early in the morning but they don’t work for me. I don’t have a rigid writing programme because I work as an editor as well. My rule is to write consistently. If you’re going to produce work regularly, you have to write regularly; it has to become a habitual thing.

What lessons did you learn from writing this book?
I learnt the lesson I learn from every book that I write — that it’s hard.

Which writers do you admire most?
It’s a shifting group of writers that changes all the time. I have certain favourite writers that I go back to a lot. I’ve just started reading Charles van Onselen’s The Fox and the Flies and that sort of work really impresses me.

What do you think separates the great writers from the good?
I think that some writers and artists are born with a gift; there’s an element of luck with genetics involved. I think what really sets the great writers apart is hard work; the ability to pursue your writing interests over a long time.

What impact would you like Portrait with Keys – Joburg & What What to have on those who read it?
I don’t think too much about that. I would hope that people find it diverting and engaging and that they recognise some corners of their own city in it.

If you were deserted on an island, which book would you take with you?
I would take a self-help book like Robinson Crusoe or The Kon-Tiki Expedition by Thor Heyerdahl.

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Friday, July 17, 2009

Forgot the moon

Moonwindow
The thief left it behind:
the moon
at my window.


Ryokan


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Tuesday, July 7, 2009

the beginning...


Tibetsa
Chinese language classes are being introduced into a school in South Africa ...

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Thursday, July 2, 2009

Imagining giving the Dalai Lama a birthday present...

Dalailama

It is His Holiness the Dalai Lama's birthday in a few days.

Would you like to give him a birthday present?

The idea of having the opportunity of giving His Holiness a birthday present just fills me with complete, dancing on my finger tips, delight!

Well you can!

Gien and I started an amazing site after consulting with the local Office of Tibet, called Gift to the Dalai Lama.

Members have the opportunity to post a pledge and also express their gratitude to His Holiness for his tireless compassionate work. After his birthday, all pledges and expressions of gratitude are sent to His Holiness's Office by the local Office of Tibet.

Click here if you wish to gift the Dalai Lama.


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Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Death of a tree




a photographic journal on the death of the precious tree which has taken my breath away for as long as I've lived in its shade - as long as I've received the sparkling light filtering through it's branches and listened to its whispers… which now brings tears to my eyes as I say goodbye. Aah Sonnet our cat is crippled by fear as the chain saws hack the air all about

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Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Happy Birthday Genie love

Mala


Good morning on Giens b-day! All of 48 years old, he’s in bed with a hot cuppa litchi and lemon with a dash of green tea, homemade by his wife and room temperature – due to its being a winter morning - fruit salad. The fruit salad inspired by his dream where oranges featured strongly - the symbolism made me wonder if his body wished for those vitamins. He’s writing a book born today, about a love story - birthed on the internet – LOL guess who! This book seeded by our many discussions and the so many questions and mails we receive from others looking for love and too often not finding it. We so often ponder why so few seem to find love and remain seekers of it, or give up... so that’s the beginnings. Watch this space! Next to him lies the Nepalese meditation cushion and maroon Mala bag decorated with symbols I gave him as a birthday gift. Also the beautiful book by the Dalai Lama lent to him by a friend from our Sangha... the stage is set - the day is beginning...

Love

---------

my daughter, Natalie, emailed Gien
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dear Gien!
Happy birthday to you!

Hip hip hooooooraaaaaaaayyyyyy! Hip hip
hooooooorrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!

Wishing you a wonderful birthday and amazing year!

You are a wonderful addition to the family, thank you for making my
mom so happy.

Love Nats :)

----------

Gien replied
Hi Nats,

I love your mum a great deal
and she loves me in the same way
Our bliss is very natural and spontaneous

In Buddhism there is the idea of compassion or "Bodhicitta"
this means love for all beings
I think this is profoundly important in a relationship
and the actual "secret" to true happiness

For a genuine relationship to flow effortless and free
we must love both the other person AND ourselves in the relationship

We know that the joy we bring our partner
is returned to us many times over
In bringing joy to another
that is the only genuine way that we ourselves can receive the others joy

If we were to take a selfish view instead
and try to GET joy for ourselves from the other
by controlling the other and dictating conditions to the other
that is when it backfires

What we create instead
is an environment for a desire and attachment filled relationship
where the conditions no longer exist for love to flow freely

When we perceive that something is wanted from us
we feel used and objectified
and that closes down our natural propensity to give
How does it feel when someone comes to us
and demands "I want this", "Give me that"?
It doesn't feel right, does it?
There is no sense of gratitude
no expression of appreciation of the other

For this reason
we have the paradox
that the selfish attitude when manifest in relationships
leads to the very failure of the relationship
while the limitless giving to our partner
is what creates the condition
for our partner's limitless giving to us

Many Blessings to you and Jason

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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Catching up and sharing




I haven't posted much personal news lately so today I've decided to take a little time writing to my friends. Today is a public holiday here in South Africa, Youth Day. It feels peaceful - but I will never forget the dreadful history it arises from. I will also always remember how South Africa transitioned from being one of the worlds most oppressed backward countries to being potentially among the most progressive. Now I hope to see SA rise to it's potential.


My son Neville is starting high school next year. He won a scholarship and we are very proud of him! Can you believe how time flies! He was a little cherub with dimples and wings breaking through just the other day. Now his a gangling ‘growly boy’, into hip hop and taller than his mom.

We are going to need to move at the end of this year in order to be nearer his new school and are having to start finding a new home. I can see the circumstances which have led to this but I am not totally convinced I should be living in a landlocked city for most of my adult life...

Speaking of time flying, Gien and I are celebrating our 1st wedding anniversary in about 2 weeks - where did the year go! It feels we’ve known one another all our lives and we're still to have our first fight... lol which I just can't imagine us doing!

We’re both happily busy with many varying projects. Gien is trying to set up business\es based on his many awesome ideas and vision while he still works for his previous employer in Canada. He never ceases sprouting brilliant ideas and he implements them – I am a firm admirer!

I really feel we are not in one of those dependent relationships – but I do do more because he is in my life than I would if he were not. I am still filling my days with a range of activities such as teaching yoga, art, writing workshops, running a self help course, meditation sessions, counselling at LifeLine, building websites, connecting on various networks, etc. We’re both also engaged with projects at the Lam Rim Buddhist Centre and absorbed by our spiritual journey.

The other thing on my mind right now, is I’m wanting to publish a self help book I wrote, Walking the Labyrinth, which I have actually designed already, also being a graphic designer specialising in book design. I already run workshops based on the book and created a website for them. I’m asking everyone if they know how I can go about getting it published without spending the rest of my life sending it to publishers... Having experience in publishing I could take the self publishing option – but this wouldn’t get the book out as far and wide as I’d like.

Sending love to all my friends

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